Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
