the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
