As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
