I wish life had little blips of pornography
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Text me some of your sweat
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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