I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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