I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
