I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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