He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
