Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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