smell my finger.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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