my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
