and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
