btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
