i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
