Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
