What a fucking waste of an outfit
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
