I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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