I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
