I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
