This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
