how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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