i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize