They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
