sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
