I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
