I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize