now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
