Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
