he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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