i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
