turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize