I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
