i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
