hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
