Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
