After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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