what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
