She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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