i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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