his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
As shirtless as possible
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
