forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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