made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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