this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
