do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
