margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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