Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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