I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
