Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
