All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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