gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
