This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
