I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
