masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
