don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My feet surprised me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
