he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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