the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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