Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
