My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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