im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The best walk of shames are on the highway
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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