i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
