I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
