I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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