Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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