Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
