I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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