i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
