And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
