Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
