He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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